Battle Rap ! G-Unit's in the house...

Problems with snakes...

Hazards (Irritations) of Snakes...

Ever since the Wright Brothers' first flight in 1903, snakes on a plane have been a common aviation hazard. There are several problems with having snakes on a plane, including:

• Biting
• Eating of children/pets/luggage
• Missing your snake
• Damage to plane
• Death
  
• Passengers may demand refunds

Now that you are aware of the problems with having snakes on your plane, you can take measures to get rid of them.

WARNING!!! Depending on where you live, the danger level of the snake could be very high or very low. The most common snakes that people will find on their plane are the milk snake and the coral snake. They look almost exactly the same, except one is cuddly and harmless, and the other is a venomous killing machine. So you should probably wear some gloves or something.

What to do with Snakes?

1. Catch Snake!
2. Ponder how a Plane got on a snake
3. Remove Plane from snake, Plane may bite
4. Call Samuel L. Jackson
5. Yell "I'm tired of these Mutha-F**kin' Planes on this Mutha-F**kin' Snake!"
6. Film the entire process and make a movie of it
7. Make millions of dollars
8. Go home and ponder why you don't have a life.
9. ???
10. Profit!

What you'll need ?

You will need the following common items to de-snake a plane:

• Stick (point/curve at one end for impaling/putting snake into bag to be released into the wild)
• Bag (not needed if you have a pointy stick)
• Garbage bag (needed if you have pointy stick)
• Gloves (only necessary if you do not have access to anti-venom)
• Mongoose (see also HowTo: De-Mongoose A Plane.)
• Samuel L. Jackson (only necessary if it is a motherf**king plane, infested with motherf**king snakes)

WHERE DO SNAKE HIDE???

After you have obtained the required materials, locate the blueprints for your plane. Mark out common places where snakes hide. These include:

• Food trays
• Overhead compartments
• Overhead lighting
• Cockpits (cobras only)
• Right behind you
• In wiring
• Drink tray
• Mouth of dead guy
• Luggage
• Urinals/toilets
• Under seat

Get to it!

Now that you have marked out your search areas, suit up. Enter the plane and look around to see if there are any snakes in obvious places, i.e. seats, floors, etc. If there are, do not be worried by them. These snakes are probably harmless milk snakes. Well, you better hope they are milk snakes. Impale them with your stick just to make sure. Once all visible snakes are eliminated (or captured, if you care about the lives of these endagered killing machines), start looking in the places you marked down on the blueprints. Only the most clever, and therefore the most deadly, will have hidden in the places you hastily marked down. If you are unsure on how dangerous they are, stick your hand in there and see if he bites. If he does, then you probably shouldn't have done that. Use your stick to impale the snake (or capture it...I guess...), and then bag it. Repeat this process in all the places you marked on your blueprint, and in some other places that look snakey. Once you are confident that there are no snakes left in the plane, exit the plane and tow it into the hangar. Start the plane in the hangar and leave a door open. The exhaust will kill any snakes that you missed, and you too if you happen to wait in the hangar. Re-enter the plane and remove all the snake bodies. Congratulations, your plane is now snake free! Dispose of the snake carcasses at your local animal carcass dropoff, or in a garbage can in the park at night. You should de-snake your plane every week to avoid a buildup of snakes on your plane.

Alternatively, you could contact a snake removal professional such as Samuel L Jackson or Saint Patrick. However, be aware that professional snake removal rates are high and rarely guarantee against re-infestation (or sequels). Therefore, it is recommended that you attempt the above method first and only contact a professional if the snakes prove persistent or really, really bitey.

Opening a window while in flight is also a valid alternative.

If all else fails, toss a lit match in the gas tank and collect the insurance.

Chelsea suck !

More Articles on this website:
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Chelsea

John Tear-ry

“"It's just a bit of friendly competition, all in the name of winning the ball eh?"”

~ John Terry, after decapitating an opposition player in a challenge

“"If he's such a shit player, then why is his rating so high on FIFA 09??"”

~ Typical Chelsea glory hunter on John Terry

John "Lionheart" Terry is captain of Chel$ki, a thug, Jose's ex-bum boy and an all around professional cunt. It is also rumored that he is a footballer, however, these reports are yet to be confirmed, with many stating that he is in-fact a rugby player.

In recent years, Terry has implemented wrestling tactics into his game, which were taught to him by his close friend Chris Benoit. These defensive tactics include: stabbing a player repeatedly and mutilating the body; taking off his belt and whipping the referee before he pulls out a card; choking out the opposing striker when the referee isn't looking; and murdering every single player on the other team by tackling them in the face.

He is also known for his famous group orgy with all the Coles. According to his mentor Jose, it was the first time he let any balls in 'round the back. Terry has one flaw in his game, he is retarded as soon as any player with an inkling of skill tries to pass him with the ball at their feet. Ronaldinho is most famous for this. When Chel$ki played Barcelona in 2006, Ronaldinho dribbled up to him, spat in his face, nutmegged him repeatedly then did the old "hey look behind you" trick before rounding him (not without knocking him embarrassingly to the ground first).

That f**king penalty

Terry's disguised appearance of being a reliable player was revealed when Avram Grant foolishly picked him to take a penalty in the 2008 Champions League final. Preoccupied with how he was going to be a hero and the first Chel$ki captain to lift the prestigious trophy in his mind, Terry forgot to remove his customary full time slippers (which later lived up their name) before approaching the penalty spot. Terry "slipped" whilst taking the penalty and hit the post, effectively losing the game.

Following the incident, wanting to prove he was a true blue and man's man, he showed off a new tattoo - 'Chelsea Rules', written in elaborate Chinese letters.

"Classy innit?" he said proudly. After closer inspection, a Chinese press man told Terry it actually said 'arse badger.'

Retardo Carvalho

Apparently Portuguese, despite his scruffy French appearance and smell. Being Portuguese, he is gay by default, however, he further emphasises his gayness by trying to rip opposition players' shirts off. He is rapidly losing his hair, and in the 2007/08 season, won the "Shittest Hair in the Premier League" trophy, Chel$ki's only silverware for the season.

Retardo bears a striking resemblance to Social critic and Irish prime minister, Dylan Moran, but has denied allegations that they are one-in-the-same, stating that Moran has more hair than he does.

Michael Ass-ien

Known for his sexual frustrations, Essien was famous in Ghana for promoting the use of Viagra, as they seemed to give him a burst of hormonal rage in which he would attempt to kick strikers, teammates, referees and mascots in the genital region.

Essien uses a special motivational technique learnt from the movie "Waterboy", in which John Terry says to him before a match "Hey, the whole other team banged your mum Michael - you gonna let them get away with it?". Michael is therefore a very angry man. As angry as he is one thing's for sure, he's one ugly son of a bitch. Essien holds the record of biggest forehead in the Premier League beating the much underrated and rather shit Ashley Young of Aston Villa.

It has been rumored that Essien is a prototype in Abramovich's evil scheme to create a super race of cyborg footballers. He doesn't feel pity, remorse or fear, and absolutely will not stop. Ever.




“Poser.”*

~ Wolverine on Freddy Kruger

“Agreed.”

~ Edward Scissorhands on the above comment

“Since the day I asked him to scratch my back... I regret it.”

~ Ronald Reagan on Freddy Krueger

“Freddy’s a god damn sexual tyrannosaurs!… Just like me!”

~ Jesse Ventura on Freddy Krueger

“He looks almost as messed up as I do!”

~ Deadpool on Freddy Krueger

Creator of Microsoft Charity Foundation, Freddy Krueger is a world renowned philantropist, a Wikipedian, younger brother to Robby Krieger of the Doors, and older brother to Chad Kroeger of Nickelback. He has raised money for virtually every single misfortunate child he had ever found on the street. He has given money to hobos who have allegedly bought beer and drugs with it. Krueger laughs at this notion, thinking its all lie because he's so nice...sure it is...right...

Early Life

Fredrick Douglas MacArthur "T-Bone" Krueger was born into a loving family on Elm Street. The exceptional thing was that he had one hundred fathers, a lot more than common people. Well, actually they were stepfathers, but that's another story. This of course made his mom, Amanda Krueger, formerly a nun, the biggest whore to ever walk the earth since the heydays of the Whore of Babylon. For this he was often taunted by other children in school, saying "Son of a hundred maniacs, son of a hundred maniacs" and "Your mom is a filthy whore llll in love, your mom is a filthy whore in love". Poor kid. His mother couldn't stand the pressure of being the only woman in the vast family, so she took her life through strangulation. Freddy's first words were "One...Two....Freddy's coming for you...". His family thought it was cute. When he was in his teens, his entire body was burned when his car exploded in an elaborate hit and run involving OJ Simpson, a rubber chicken, and many metals. The metals were melded onto his hand, and his body covered in nineteenth degree burns. After spending 10 years in a coma, he awoke.

Posers*: A person who habitually pretends to be something he is not.

Craps And Nonsenses (LOL)...

“I'm in a movie!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Snakes on a Plane

With the success of Snakes on a Plane, several other filmmakers have attempted to bring a new twist to the popular formula for political satire.

Films of the Critters On A Conveyance genre currently released or under development include:

• Snape's on a Plane

• Piranhas on an Escalator

• Badgers on a Tram

• Suicide Bombers on a Plane

• Planes on a Plane

• Planes on a Snake

• Snakes on a Snake

• Snakes in your ass

• Motherf**kers on a Plane

• Oxygen on a Plane

• You on a Plane

• Republicans on an oil-tanker

• The Titanic on a Plane

• Bears on a Submarine

• Camels on a Submarine

• Snakes on a Coordinate Plane

• Snakes on a Plain

• Snakes on a Crane

• Snakes on an Inclined Plane

• Snakes on a Plaintiff

• Snakes on a Higher Plane of Existence

• Snakes on a Lower Plane of Existence

• Snakes on a Hydroplane

• A Fly in my Soup

• Al Capone in Alcatraz

• Al Gore's most important work to date: Spiders in the Loo.

• Al Gore on a cloud

• Alligators on a Golf Cart

• Animals on an Ark

• Antelopes in a Taxi

• Ants in Your Pants

• Armadillos on a Monorail

• Armored Bears on a Zeppelin

• Babies in a womb

• Badniks in a Semi-Automatic Handgun Production Factory.

• Badgers in a brothel

• Badgers in a Bath

• Bald people at a Hairdressers

• Batman and Robin in the Batmobile

• Bears on a Jet Ski

• Beatles on Drugs

• Becks on a Plane (based on the true story of David Beckham)

• Bees in a Spelling Bee

• Bees on a Bus

• Bees on an Amphibious Landing Craft

• Bender on a Fender

• Bill and Hillary Clinton in your Ass

• Borg on a Cube

• Bonds on Steroids

• Brains on a retard

• Bugs on a Camel

• Bugs on a Windshield

• Bullcrap on a Chef's Salad

• Bulls in a China Shop

• Bush in Iraq

• Butterflies in a Stomach

• Camels on a Hanglider

• Candirú in a Swimming Pool

• Captain Obvious on Being Obvious

• Care Bears on a Cruise Liner

• Cars in a Lane

• Castle in the Sky

• Cats in All Your Base

• Cats on a Hat

• CATS on a Zig

• Cats under a Lawnmower

• Cats On A Conveyerbelt

• Charlie Brown on Heroin

• Chavs at a Conference

• Chavs in a Cave

• Chickens on a Roller Coaster

• Chinese people at the Olympics

• Chimeras on a Space Shuttle

• Chimps on a Blimp

• Chuck Norris Under Your Bed

• Coatamundis on a Lawn Mower

• Cobras on a Jackhammer

• Cockroaches in Coffee

• Cockroaches In The Microwave

• Colonel Mustard in the Ballroom with the Candlestick

• Colonel Sanders at KFC

• Conservapedians on a live, televised debate (a different kind of "conveyance" but no less hilarious/deadly)

• Cowboy Curtis on a Canope

• Crabs on a 'Copter

• Cripples on a Wagon

• Crocodiles in a Submarine

• Crows on a Bar

• Crows on a washing upline

• Cruise on a Couch

• Cylons on a Battlestar

• David Beckham on a Rickshaw

• David Seeman in goal

• Dead man in a chest

• Death in a box

• Democrats in Denver

• Dick in a Box

• Din mama on papa

• Dinosaurs in a Park (actually, it was already done ;) )

• Dingoes on a baby

• Dogs on a Spaceship

• Doctors in a Dormitory

• Dolphins on a Golf Cart

• Dorks in [Zork|Zork]

• Dragon on a Wagon

• Drakes on a Train

• Dykes on a Bike

• Dudes on chicks

• Elephants on an Elevator

• Emos in a Blender

• Emos on a knife

• Emus on a Go Kart

• Elephants in a minicab

• Ferrets on a Ferry

• Fire ants on a condom

• Fish on a Limousine

• Foxes on Boxes

• Frogs on a Log

• Gays on a Giant Gun

• Geese on the Hindenburg

• Genie in a Lamp

• Gerbils in Richard Gere

• Ghosts in a Hotel

• Gila Monsters on a Moped

• Giraffes on a Skateboard

• Girls on Trampolines

• Gnomes on a Kodo

• Goats on a Boat

• Godzilla in Tokyo

• Grease on John Travolta

• Green Eggs on Ham in a box with a fox

• Grues on a Garbage Truck

• Grues Up Your Ass

• Hamsters on a Hovercraft

• Hands in my Pants

• Hat on a Cat

• Headmasters in a closet

• Herman Melville on a Whale

• Hobos on a cheap airline flight

• Homosexuals in a Closet

• Hyenas on Parade

• Iguanas in a Lift

• Snakes on Iron Man

• Snakes on Iron Man on a Plane in outer Space

• Indians in a Cupboard

• Jack in the Box

• Japanese in a Fridge

• Jormangundr on a Longboat

• Jews in an oven

• Jews in a bank

• Jim Carrey in a bad movie

• Kangaroos on a Kite

• Kebabs on a Stick

• Kids in a Classroom

• King Kong in a Thong

• Kittens in a Huff

• Kittens in Mittens

• Kiwis on a Unicycle (part 1)

• Kiwis on a Unicycle (part 2)

• Klingons on the Starboard Bow

• Koalas on a Space Shuttle

• Komodo Dragons on Foot

• Kung Fu Pandas at the Box Office

• Lamps on a Washing Machine

• Lava on your lunch

• Lawyers on a NASA class 2 space shuttle

• Lawyers on a Forklift

• Lawyers on a Pogo Stick

• Lemmings on a land mine field

• Lemurs on a Beamer

• Lice in someone hair

• Lice on Rice

• Lions on a Pogo Stick

• Llamas on a Lland Rover

• Llamas on the LAM (with "LAM" referring to a new, sci-fi transportation system)

• Lucy in the Sky: With Diamonds

• Manatees in a Mansion

• Mario on a Kart

• Mario on a Mushroom

• Martians on a Fork Lift

• Martians on a Pogo Stick

• McCain on McPlane

• Memes in the forum (sure, they're dangerous!)

• Microorganisms on my Scalp

• Minks in a Sink

• Mitochondria in a Cell

• Mongoose on a Caboose

• Monkeys on a Bike

• Monkeys on a Crane

• Morons at Progressive.com

• Munkies on a Trukk

• Mr Miyagi on a Motorbike

• Michael Jackson on children

• Michael Jackson on Jesus Juice

• Motherf**kers in a Motherf**kin Line Being Stupid Motherf**ker While Looking Like Motherf**kin B***hes

• Motherf**kers in space

• Motherf**kers on an Anthill

• N00bs on a Forum

• Naked Mole Rats on a Segway

• Nigga on a bike!

• Niggas on crack

• Niggas on The Block

• Niggas on Welfare

• Negima! Season 2 Episode 2 Side A: Frogs on a Bullet Train (starring Asuna Kagurazaka, Negi Springfield, and Setsuna Sakurazaki)

• Ninjas in a Church

• Ninjas on a Big-Wheel

• Nixon on a toilet

• Noobs on Counterstrike

• N00bs on the 'Net

• Notes on a Scandal

• Obama H. up your Ass

• Orcs on a Zeppelin

• Osama on a Plane

• Obama on a Plane

• Oscar on a Wilde

• Oscar Wilde on a Child

• Otters on a merry-go-round

• Owls on a Tram

• Pandas on a Tuk-tuk

• Partridge in a Pear Tree

• Party in your Mouth

• Pedophiles on a School Bus

• Penguins in a Movie

• Penguins on a March

• Peppers in a Hoveround

• Pigs in a Blanket

• Pimps in the Crib

• Pirates at World's End

• Pirates on the Caribbean

• Platypus on a Water Raft

• Plates on a Table

• Polar Bears on a Train

• Porcupines on a Zipline

• Posts on a Topic

• Priests in a Preschool

• P***y on a Vibrator

• Quail on a Snail

• Rabbits on a Rocket

• Rabbits on a Rotating Plinth

• Raving Rabbids in a toilet

• Rails on a Railroad

• Rakes on a Train (prequel)

• Rats on a Double Decker Bus

• Rats on a ROFLcopter

• Ravens in a Rave

• Republican in the White House

• Rhinos on a Roller Coaster

• Sagat on a Moonbike

• Samuel L Jackson's career in a coffin

• Samuel L Jackson penetrating a motherf**kin T-rex

• Samuel L Jacksons on a Motherf**kin Plane

• Samuel L Jackson on Your Face

• Samurai in a sermon

• Scorpions on a Dirigible

• Sea Turtle on a Rollerskate

• Seals in a sandwhich shop

• Seals on Wheels

• Sharks on a Train

• Sharks on Your Face

• Sheep in a Jeep

• Sheep on a Subway

• Sheep in a Sandwhich

• Shits in the White House

• Shoop on a Whoop

• Shrikes on Strike

• Skanks on a Chain (Samuel L. Jackson's in that one, too..."Black Snake Moan")

• Sloths on a Skyscraper

• Snails on a Kayak

• Snake or plan (the Chinese version)

• Snakes in a Daycare

• Snakes in a Hairdressers

• Snakes in Plain Clothing

• Snakes on a Bi-Plane

• Snakes on a Train!

• Snakes on Kurt Cobain

• Snakes on a plain piece of paper

• Snakes on Bristol Palin (that's what she said!)

• Solid Snake on a Box

• Spammers on this Article

• Spiders on a Glider

• Spongmonkeys on the Moon

• Squirrels on a Garbage Truck

• Steaks on a Plain

• Stuff on a Stick

• Stingrays in a Swimming Pool

• Tapirs in a Tent

• Teletubbies on a Plane

• Tigers on a Bike (with that memorable catch phrase "Ahh, Tigers!") - Fraser Young, comedian.

• Tom Crui (plural?) on a couch

• Tommy Lee in a College (Never made it in the big screen)

• Triceratopses on a Tricycle

• Trolls on a forum

• Trolls on penis

• Turkeys in Turkey

• Tweenies on a Plane*

• Uncyclopedia on Wikipedia

• Uncyclopedians on a Bandwagon

• Unicorns on a Unicycle

• Unspecified animal in an unexpected and funny place

• Van Halen at a Concert.

• Vectors on a Plane

• Virus in a computer

• Wamps in a cave

• Wampas on a Hovercraft

• Weights on a Spring Balance

• Whales in a Washing Machine

• Whales on Tricycles

• Welshman on a Sheep

• Whimps on a Blimp

• White People in Harlem

• Willies in a washinf up bowl

• Wombats in wheelbarrows

• Wombats on a Whirlygig

• Wookies on a TIE Fighter

• Mexicans in a Church

• Black People on a Chicken

• Worms in an Apple

• Your Brain on Drugs

• Zebras on a Zeppelin

• Zombies in a Mall

• Zombies in an Elevator

• Orks on a Waaagh!

• Adam Sandler in a Good Movie (cancelled, God forbids his Laws to be broken)

• Lag on a Server

• Space Marines on a Raft

• Nerds on a Date (in development hell)

• Trolls on Probation

• Bros on a Ho

• Headcrabs on People's Heads

• Lakitus on a Cloud

• Pirhana Plants in a Pipe

• Kiwis on a Rampage

• Berserkers on a Floating House

• Pylons on a Road

• Pants on Fire!!! (they're all liars)

• Pokemon in a Ball

• Neurons on a Brain

• Cockroaches on a Colony Ship

• Hobbits on a Quest

• 1337 SnIpErZ on Halo

• Zerg in a Rush

• Pikes on a Peak

• Chameleons on Everything

• Scots on a Binge

• Generic Dangerous Creatures on a Generic Not Easily Escapable Mode of Transportation

• Fountain of Wayne

• Zebras on a Zeppelin

• I'm sick of these motherf**king edits on this motherf**king website!

• Mother on a F**ker!

• Hearts on Fire

• Daleks in a TARDIS

• Me on your mom

• Tramps on the Underground

• People on a Bus

Best Beatboxing...

RoBeat Vs. Mando @ 5th German Beatbox Battle - Final Round

Modern beatboxing

Beatboxing's current popularity is thanks in part to the likes of artists like Rahzel, Kenny Muhammad,and Matisyahu who have promoted the art form across the world. It's also thanks largely to websites such as Humanbeatbox.com, and YouTube where many beatboxing videos have several million hits.

In 2005 the world championship of beatboxing was organised in Leipzig, Germany. The participants came from all over the world, and included Tom Thumb, and Joel Turner (Australia), White Noise (Ireland), Roxorloops (Belgium), Poizunus (Canada), Faith SFX (UK). After several heats of beatbox battles, the final between Roxorloops (Belgium) and Joel Turner (Australia) was decided. The five judges had a difficult time picking a winner and called for an extra round after which Joel Turner won the world championship.

Eminem Vs Lotto Rap Battle - 8 Mile - Free videos are just a click away

John Cena Vs. Big Show Rap Battle - For more of the funniest videos, click here

Eminem Vs Papa Doc - 8 Mile Movie - For more funny videos, click here

Ignore all badwords !!! Man! Like their style, the way the Rap. I Hope to be Eminem-wannabe, learn to act like him, talk like him...

Hopefully I pick up some rhymes so i can Battle Rap...
I wish there is a Challenger out there...
8 Mile Rocks!

You Just Got Serve, G-Nig

Who’s in the better position: Man Utd or Liverpool?

Man Utd’s impressive 3-0 wins over Chelsea yesterday puts Man Utd in third place, five points behind Liverpool with two games in hand.

My rudimentary mathematical skills tell me that should Utd win those two games, they go a point clear of Liverpool. But they still haven’t played those games yet. So the question is: who’s in the better position: Man Utd or Liverpool?

Liverpool are top, but Man Utd have the potential to be top

My Greatest and Favourite Headphone.

Audio-Technica's ATH-SJ3 is the all new ultra comfortable portable headphones. It features a large driver unit of 40mm with CCAW voice coil for a wide playback range and produces powerful bass. ATH-SJ3 adopts the high quality OFC material for the cord. Each ear piece can turn 90 degrees horizontal and 180 degrees vertical for DJ style monitoring. The airtightness type is design for outdoor purposes. With a 1.2m cord, it is suitable for any audio player with a headphone output. Audio-Technica ATH-SJ3 is available in piano white and black finish. The unit is slightly smaller and lighter.

Specifications

Type: Dynamic type
Driver Unit: phi 40mm and CCAW voice coil
Impedance: 32 ohms
Output overpressure value: 114dB/mW
Largest input: 500mW
Playback frequency zone: 10 - 23,000Hz
Mass: 135g
Cord/code: Elastomer / OFC / 1.2m
Plug: phi 3.5 gold-plating stereo mini- plug

Most Singapore teenagers likes this headphones,it's worth the price, it is also the latest earpiece trent. It cost S$57.00.